How To Overcome Toxic Limiting Beliefs Around Food and Body

Stefanie Grace with a doughnut and salad - diet culture, toxic limiting beliefs around food and body

What Beliefs Do You Have When It Comes to Food and Body?

Food is the enemy! My appetite is bad! I hate my body!

For many years I lived my life being guided with these negative, limiting and toxic beliefs around my body and the food I eat. I would not say it out loud, because I was ashamed, but I constantly was accompanied with the thoughts.

These thoughts were limiting my life to a degree I was not aware of at the time. It sounds very hard, but it’s true:
I secretly wished I would not have a sense of taste, because then I would not crave for so much food. I truly believed my appetite was the reason for my binge eating, comfort eating…

It was very clear to me, if I did not know how something tastes I could not have the cravings for it, which means I would eat less, which means I would lose weight and losing weight was the only way to reach happiness.

And in my reality everything would be ok if only I would have the perfect body. I would find peace and ease in life, as soon as I reached a certain weight and fitted in a certain size.

“If only I would have the perfect body, everything would be ok forever!”

That was a very toxic belief!

The trick with our belief system is, the more power we give them, the more they become our reality. So in order to change the relationship with food we first have to become aware of our toxic beliefs.

So ask yourself on this point:

  • What beliefs do I have when it comes to food and body?
  • Do they lead to a relaxed relationship, to freedom?
  • Or do they always bring me to a point where I restrict eating?
Stefanie Grace, looking at a doughnut.

How Toxic Beliefs Can Affect Our Body:

Here’s a little secret: Toxic negative beliefs can cause greater damage to body, mind and soul than any low quality food!!!

Despite the fact that our beliefs become our reality, they do affect our body on a physiological level. Whenever we fear, get anxious, angry or fulfilled with hate our body reacts in a stress response and the sympathetic nervous system gets activated and dominates. We breathe more shallowly and faster (oftentimes without being consciously aware of it), our heart rate gets faster, blood pressure rises and insulin and cortisol in our body increases.

When the body is in this survival mode the metabolism shuts down.
When you’re being chased by a lion, you don’t have time to think about rest and digestion.

  • The majority of the blood gets pumped into the limbs, because they need to be ready and active in case we need to run away or fight.
  • Cortisol inhibits muscle growth and high insulin can cause dysregulation of the appetite,
  • and because the body fears for life it strongly holds on to every single calorie.

Imagine now you are eating/ not eating/ training/ resting in a constant fight or flight (survival response) mode.

No wonder why it seems so hard to lose weight, why we think we have a slow metabolism and an appetite which is out of control… It’s NOT your fault, it’s not because you are weak, or have less willpower than others. No, it’s the constant stress response you are in BECAUSE OF the toxic beliefs you have about your body and the food you eat.

“I am learning to take care and nourish
my body in a loving way.”

What Can We Do Now in Order To Change?

Simple. Get out of the stress response, activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the “rest & digest” mode of the body. When the body does not have to fear for survival, it can relax.

The heart rate and blood pressure regulate themselves, the breath is deep and slow and the metabolism runs at full speed. The body happily uses the calories and nutrients because it does not have to fear starving.

Using the BREATHE is the easiest way to get your body into a relaxed mode and out of stress response. Once you breathe like a relaxed person your body will notice and your brain will think “Oh I am breathing like a relaxed person I must be relaxed then”, and switches into relaxed mode, the parasympathetic nervous system dominates and your whole body physiology changes.

As mentioned before, first you have to become aware of this pattern, then catch yourself in these moments and decide to breathe deep and slow as long as you can/want/need.

BUT this has not yet solved the root cause of the stress response: the toxic negative beliefs.

 

Stefanie Grace happy in the kitchen preparing food

Again, become aware of the beliefs, and then CHANGE them. 

On a certain point, when we have ingrained some beliefs for many years, it is hard to just swap them into a positive statement. For example, if you have told yourself your whole life: “I hate my body”, it will be tricky to just change from one day to another into: “I love my body.” Because you just won’t BELIEVE it.

BUT you can start with a step in between and change “I hate my body” to ”I am learning to take care and nourish my body in a loving way.

Instead of “Food is the enemy” let’s say: “Food is nourishing me” and instead of “My appetite is bad”, let’s try: “I am learning to regulate my appetite.”

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And always remember: if you don’t change anything – nothing will change.
It’s a practice and you just can not fail.

Thank yourself for taking the time to read, as I do.

Love & Light, yours Grace.

Is There Such Thing As The “Right” Diet?

Stefanie Grace, confused about the right diet

What’s the Right Diet To Follow?

 

Which is the RIGHT nutrition to follow?
What does it really look like? Is there such a thing as the RIGHT diet?

A topic about which I could write a book and will do so one day. But let me start with this post and my own experience. 

For years, especially during my studies, I was clearly of the opinion: YES, absolutely there is the right diet.
A food pyramid exists. For example, here are the 10 rules for a healthy diet from the German Nutrition Society (DGE), according to these rules you should live your life and eat.
However, they still didn’t work for me, FOR YEARS.

For example, I couldn’t do anything with the “5 per day” rule – I often felt too full. The rule says, “Eat fruits and vegetables 5 times a day.” This would mean that we should eat a total of 5 meals a day, three main meals and two snacks in between. I realized that my body didn’t need five meals. Many times I felt best when I ate only two times a day. This always made me wonder, “What is wrong with me?” The answer is: Nothing!!!

My body simply appreciates longer pauses between meals and that leads to the fact that there are no five meals.
I just don’t feel hungry right away in the morning after I get up, it takes me 1-2 or even 3 hours before I feel hungry enough to eat something. It took me some time to understand that these rules and regulations about “correct nutrition” should be considered more as guidelines, because they do not deal with people on an individual level.
However, we are all individuals, we all have different daily structures, energy consumption etc, consequently we cannot all live by the same nutrition rules.

Today I know there is not the “right diet” for everyone, but there is the right diet for everyone personally and that is the one that suits your body best.

Confused about the different diets

And even on an individual level, YOUR right nutrition changes through life. 

Nobody says to an infant: the milk is too rich in fat. No. At this age, this is EXACTLY the right nutrition. 

Your age alone changes the need for the nutrients that you require at that moment. 

Similarly, your right diet changes with the seasons. In winter, your body needs more calories to deal with the lower temperatures. Accordingly, your cravings for calorie rich foods will increase. Whereas in the summer, you may not feel as much like a cheese fondue, cookies, or whatever your winter food is. 

Not to mention age and season, your calorie and nutrient needs change based on your lifestyle. Are you a marathon runner or do you lift weights? Do you have a sedentary job in the office or do you work on a construction site? 

Depending on what health condition you are in, the right diet changes just as much. A diabetic needs a different diet than someone who has cardiovascular, kidney or liver disease. 
So you see, it’s not so easy to find the one perfect diet and say: That’ s it, I’ll stick with it for life. But there is something you can do. 

There is THE right diet and that is the one that suits YOUR body best.

Confused about the different diets, Stefanie Grace holding vegetables

How Do I Find My Right Diet?

So the exercise is first and foremost to find out what that means for you and for that we need to put aside the analytical thinking for a moment, and find our way back into our body to be able to feel more.

We are constantly judging – good food or bad food and this has lead to a point where we feel guilty or ashamed when we eat sweets or fast food. Or we allow ourselves a “cheat day” once a week, where we eat everything we don’t usually allow ourselves (be honest with yourself – do you recognize yourself here?).

Often times with the diet mindset, we have formed a negative body image, and therefore are usually at a point where we no longer feel connected to our body. We find it very difficult to listen to the body’s signals, interpret them, and most importantly, respect and honour them.

After all, according to our analytical thinking, we would know exactly what we should eat, based on various rules. Intuitive Eating, however, is about perceiving the body’s signals and feeling when and what we should eat, so that there are no more questions to the analytical brain, just an instinct – we FEEL it.

In Intuitive Eating there are no rules we can break, we can only learn and get to know ourselves better.I often get asked, “Yes, but if I can eat anything I want, won’t I just eat “unhealthy” foods, like too much sweets for example?”. That’s a valid question, and that was one of my biggest fears as well. The point is, your body doesn’t ONLY ask for sweets, sugar, chocolate or fast food. Your body is asking for crunchy veggies, fresh fruit, and good protein just as much.

Think for a moment about the last time you had the flu or didn’t feel fit in some way: can you remember that maybe deep down you knew exactly that you wanted a warm soup with root vegetables right now. In moments when we are not in our normal state, we often find it easier to eat intuitively. Likewise, there are many mamas who lived vegan before pregnancy and couldn’t stop thinking about meat during pregnancy until they gave in to the craving.

That’s the body asking for a specific nutrient.

The more you experience intuitive eating, the more you notice: that Nutella is actually way too sweet for me, or that instant pizza tastes way too artificial and greasy. I don’t really want or need that at all. 

So the practice is all about listening to your own intuition and trusting it. This requires first and foremost, as is so many cases, being more mindful and getting to know yourself better. .

  • How mindful do I eat?
  • How aware am I of how my food make me feel?
  • What effects do certain foods have on MY body?
  • How much does my body need and when?

Questioning and reflecting yourself is the step you have to make and that a journey towards your beautiful self.

If you are looking for support on this journey, feel free to contact me. 
Thank you for taking your time to read. 

Why Only Losing Weight Will Not Make You Happy

As soons as I have lost weight, I will be happier.

Losing Weight Will Not Fix Your Problems

“As soon as I have lost 7 kg, I will be happier.”
“I only need to fit into my skinny jeans again and I will be more social again!”
“I will love myself more as soon as I’m back under 60 kg.”
“After I completed this diet I will have a better relationship with food again.  

Maybe you will find yourself in one of these statements again… if not, I’m truely happy for you. These were all thoughts of mine I had during the time I was dealing with an eating disorder (even though I didn’t even knew I had one). I have always counted on huge changes in my life and was always hoping to change the way I see myself, as soon as I lost a certain amount of kilograms, as soon as I’m back to the weight I wanted to, as soon as I fit into jeans again, which not even weren’t my size,… and this list is even longer. 

If you can relate to those thoughts, please take the time now to reflect:

When you were at your lowest weight: 

– have you been as happy as you thought you’d be? 
– has the relationship with your partner/ your friends changed? Have you been more social again? 
– has the relationship with food changed? Could you enjoy food again? Were you able to stop dieting?
– did you have the feeling you lost enough weight? Could you stop the obsession of losing weight? 
– did you liked your body more? Did you liked, respected and appreciated your body more?
– did you started loving yourself again? Did you have the feeling of being enough?

Become happy in being you not because losing weight.

My Experience

During the time of the diet in which I starved myself and forced myself to do excessive sports, I isolated myself. Mostly, because I was afraid that a friend could have offered some cake when I visit for coffee and I knew I wouldn’t be able to say no to that cake – in fact I probably could have, but it would have triggered an binge eating attack after. Going out for dinner together was something I always tried to avoid. Of course I found ways to socialize, even though there was food involved or alcohol in a night out. Cancelling breakfast and lunch on the same day and the day after and burning calories in sports would have balanced it out again – but as you can imagine, that required a lot of planning before and after. 

The truth is, whenever I have lost weight, whenever I have starved myself with a diet and would actually have reached a number on the scale I thought I would be happy with –  I would still find myself in self-doubt again. Of course on one point, mostly in the beginning, I was happy, because I have managed to reach the goal I was aiming for, even though that would have cost me a lot of hustle and fighting against me – against food, but in the end I never changed the way I see myself. I didn’t liked myself more than before. I still had the feeling of being too fat, not good enough, I still was avoiding eating together with friends, shifting and cancelling meals. In the end the relationship to food has never changed. 

Every bite had the taste of unnecessary calorine, the bad conscience of not being allowed to eat and the question of how I could make up for it.

Picture of Stefanie Grace (Nini)

What Actually Will Make You Happy Again...

I would never say that losing weight will not make you happy – in fact this will always depend on everyone individually. But when it comes to abnormal eating behaviours, like emotional eating, or even eating disorders, losing weight alone will not do it, because it will not fix your problems. It will not change the way you see yourself. It will never change the relationship to food! There will still be the questions of “What can I eat?” “When can I eat?” “Am I actually allowed to eat this?”… There will always be the feeling of not being good enough.
It’s not the weight which is the actual problem, it’s a deeper emotion behind the surface.
Only after I understood my eating habits and after I got to know my triggers, I was able to detect the hidden emotions behind it and could solve the problem. Losing weight went automatically after that point!

What really made me happy in the end was the freedom to eat what and when I wanted, to do exercises, going for a run when I felt like it and not because I had to. 

Find Happiness In Being You.

Please remember at this point – you are not alone with this, is not a shame to have thoughts like this, and most important – it is NOT your fault. 
Let me know in comments or in a message how you feel about this and if I can support you in any way.