How To Overcome Toxic Limiting Beliefs Around Food and Body

Stefanie Grace with a doughnut and salad - diet culture, toxic limiting beliefs around food and body

What Beliefs Do You Have When It Comes to Food and Body?

Food is the enemy! My appetite is bad! I hate my body!

For many years I lived my life being guided with these negative, limiting and toxic beliefs around my body and the food I eat. I would not say it out loud, because I was ashamed, but I constantly was accompanied with the thoughts.

These thoughts were limiting my life to a degree I was not aware of at the time. It sounds very hard, but it’s true:
I secretly wished I would not have a sense of taste, because then I would not crave for so much food. I truly believed my appetite was the reason for my binge eating, comfort eating…

It was very clear to me, if I did not know how something tastes I could not have the cravings for it, which means I would eat less, which means I would lose weight and losing weight was the only way to reach happiness.

And in my reality everything would be ok if only I would have the perfect body. I would find peace and ease in life, as soon as I reached a certain weight and fitted in a certain size.

“If only I would have the perfect body, everything would be ok forever!”

That was a very toxic belief!

The trick with our belief system is, the more power we give them, the more they become our reality. So in order to change the relationship with food we first have to become aware of our toxic beliefs.

So ask yourself on this point:

  • What beliefs do I have when it comes to food and body?
  • Do they lead to a relaxed relationship, to freedom?
  • Or do they always bring me to a point where I restrict eating?
Stefanie Grace, looking at a doughnut.

How Toxic Beliefs Can Affect Our Body:

Here’s a little secret: Toxic negative beliefs can cause greater damage to body, mind and soul than any low quality food!!!

Despite the fact that our beliefs become our reality, they do affect our body on a physiological level. Whenever we fear, get anxious, angry or fulfilled with hate our body reacts in a stress response and the sympathetic nervous system gets activated and dominates. We breathe more shallowly and faster (oftentimes without being consciously aware of it), our heart rate gets faster, blood pressure rises and insulin and cortisol in our body increases.

When the body is in this survival mode the metabolism shuts down.
When you’re being chased by a lion, you don’t have time to think about rest and digestion.

  • The majority of the blood gets pumped into the limbs, because they need to be ready and active in case we need to run away or fight.
  • Cortisol inhibits muscle growth and high insulin can cause dysregulation of the appetite,
  • and because the body fears for life it strongly holds on to every single calorie.

Imagine now you are eating/ not eating/ training/ resting in a constant fight or flight (survival response) mode.

No wonder why it seems so hard to lose weight, why we think we have a slow metabolism and an appetite which is out of control… It’s NOT your fault, it’s not because you are weak, or have less willpower than others. No, it’s the constant stress response you are in BECAUSE OF the toxic beliefs you have about your body and the food you eat.

“I am learning to take care and nourish
my body in a loving way.”

What Can We Do Now in Order To Change?

Simple. Get out of the stress response, activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the “rest & digest” mode of the body. When the body does not have to fear for survival, it can relax.

The heart rate and blood pressure regulate themselves, the breath is deep and slow and the metabolism runs at full speed. The body happily uses the calories and nutrients because it does not have to fear starving.

Using the BREATHE is the easiest way to get your body into a relaxed mode and out of stress response. Once you breathe like a relaxed person your body will notice and your brain will think “Oh I am breathing like a relaxed person I must be relaxed then”, and switches into relaxed mode, the parasympathetic nervous system dominates and your whole body physiology changes.

As mentioned before, first you have to become aware of this pattern, then catch yourself in these moments and decide to breathe deep and slow as long as you can/want/need.

BUT this has not yet solved the root cause of the stress response: the toxic negative beliefs.

 

Stefanie Grace happy in the kitchen preparing food

Again, become aware of the beliefs, and then CHANGE them. 

On a certain point, when we have ingrained some beliefs for many years, it is hard to just swap them into a positive statement. For example, if you have told yourself your whole life: “I hate my body”, it will be tricky to just change from one day to another into: “I love my body.” Because you just won’t BELIEVE it.

BUT you can start with a step in between and change “I hate my body” to ”I am learning to take care and nourish my body in a loving way.”

Instead of “Food is the enemy” let’s say: “Food is nourishing me” and instead of “My appetite is bad”, let’s try: “I am learning to regulate my appetite.”

******************************

And always remember: if you don’t change anything – nothing will change.
It’s a practice and you just can not fail.

Thank yourself for taking the time to read, as I do.

Love & Light, yours Grace.

When Your Eating Disorder Becomes Real

women crying

Diagnosis: Bulimia With Anorexic Features

*** TRIGGER WARNING ***

This blog post is a very personal story.
The reason why I still want to share it here, is to encourage you to reach out for support, for help, for guidance, in case you need, because you deserve to heal and you don’t have to go through it on your own!

I will start the story at the pit point of my life, when I reached the peak of my pain. The moment where the emotional leverage was big enough to make the decision to change. It was on a holiday in Thailand, where I’ve been traveling with my younger brother for a month. At this point of my life, I had no self-worth left for myself and overplayed my lack of self-confidence with a cute smile and acting happy all the time.

After years of dieting and telling my body, my self terrible things in the mirror, I reached a moment where I had no respect left for myself and felt like a complete failure. To still get these short moments of positive validation I literally gave my body away and met a lot of men during this time.

On these holidays I got sick after too much partying (including overnight stays). I got a severe bladder infection, but even then, I did not listen to the signs of my body. I did not care about this body anymore. I was craving for validation – for the feeling of being someone worthy for a short moment, I was craving for a quick fix. And so I continued with the life-style I was living, while ignoring the pain and the blood in my urine.

After some days I got some rest on an island, gave in and went to the hospital. My infection has gone very bad, I had to do a lot of tests and stayed in bed in the hotel for some days. One day my brother motivated me to go out to the beach restaurant in the afternoon to get some sun in my face. We didn’t talk much, we were just sitting there in silence slurping the fresh mango juices and watching the waves.
Without any expression I said to him: “Once I’m back in Vienna I will start therapy”. 
“That’s a good idea”, he replied.

Sick Stefanie Grace Therapy Eating Disorder
Watching The Waves Thailand Stefanie Grace

The picture shows me on the day I decided to start a therapy. I had a high fever and was suffering from a severe bladder infection due to my disrespectful lifestyle towards my body.

I really knew it was now or never - but something has to change.

Back in Austria I had to go to hospital again for more check ups and thanks good – everything was fine. I decided to go to a yoga class in a studio – until that point, I mostly practiced on YouTube from home. The teacher advised us to lay down on the mat and to close our eyes. “Watch your thoughts”, she said and so did I, but I could not hold them shut. It was so noisy in my mind and tears just came out of my eyes, I felt so much pain and so vulnerable.

I did not know where to go to get some help, but I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.
I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, so I googled in incognito mode “first help psychotherapy Vienna”. Thanks to Austria’s amazing health system – I got a lot of options with free first consultation – which was very important for me as a poor student.

On the day of my first appointment, I was very excited and scared at the same time.
I was afraid they wouldn’t take me or my problems seriously and send me away again. But at the same time, I was afraid that they would confirm I had a problem, whatever that problem might be. However, I went there, sitting in front of a stranger, who asked me what brought me here. I started to talk. Shared the story of my life, my feelings, my worries, with this woman I never met before and I remember it felt surprisingly good. To finally be able to speak out loud what was in my head and ingrained in my body. I felt anonymous and not judged at all. Of course, we have been talking a lot about my nutrition and the way I see myself as well and in the end I had to fill out an exercise sheet, where you could see women in different body shapes and had to select the body I thought was most likely mine.

Finally she told me that I made a huge step already to have called this practice, but they can’t keep me. They have to forward me to an Institute for People with Eating Disorders. For a moment my whole world stood still. I felt sick and wanted to vomit. The woman gave me some contacts from different institutes in Vienna where I could call and she sent me away.

So, another first consultation, another time sharing my whole story and many more tests to go through in the “Institute for People with Eating Disorder”. The psychotherapist told me at the end of the consultation the diagnosis: Bulimia with Anorexic features. BOOOOM – Again, the world was on hold. But this time, I felt a huge relief as well.

It felt so good to finally know what was “wrong” with me. To finally feeling seen, feeling felt and understood.

Of course it was not the first time that I had thought that I might have an eating disorder. I knew my eating patterns were different from others, but I just couldn’t fit myself into a box. I studied nutrition and knew all the symptoms of the different eating disorders, but none of them fit my profile. My therapist then explained to me: we are all different, symptoms are different and you can have traits from several eating disorders at the same time. Well… that made sense. And there I was, diagnosed with an official eating disorder. I felt like someone put a stamp on my forehead.

I always thought Bulimia is when you vomit, but I did “only” vomit maybe 5 to 10 times, so I thought I’m not bulimic. BUT bulimia describes as well the fact of compensating calories, however you do that. And that was something I mastered in life: if I ate dinner, I didn’t allow myself breakfast, if I had cake I had to go for an extra run, if I overeat I took laxatives and so on…
I also had the idea in my mind that you have to be life-threateningly skinny to be anorexic. BUT anorexia also describes the constant habit of seeing yourself in a very different way, mostly as too fat, being incredibly afraid of gaining weight, hating your body and no longer having a connection to one’s own body.

I felt relieved because I knew I finally would get help. 

Healing

I was proud of myself, that I took the step to ask for help, to overcome my fear of not being taken seriously and finally would receive professional help. My healing journey began and I went to therapy once a week. Added Yoga classes in my schedule again and learned to take care of myself in a respectful way. This also meant taking a step back from party life and social contacts.

The journey was tough, with lots of highs and lows, sometimes I doubted my way and a lot of times, I doubted myself – but I never quit.

Stefanie Grace resting on the beach

Healing needs time and you have to be ready for it.

You need to allow yourself to feel vulnerable and reach out for help, because you don’t have to do this on your own. When your car is broken, or you put the wrong fuel in – you are also reaching out for an expert or to someone who knows how to fix it. Same goes for your computer, the electricity, and the water system in your house. There is an expert for every field. So why do you think you have to solve your mental and physical problems on your own then? 

After years of healing, getting to know and to love myself, I made it my mission to help others on their journey to find peace in their bodies and create a loving relationship with food.
Life can be good and enjoyable! – You deserve to heal.
And you deserve to feel good in your skin, that’s your f***ing birthright!!!!

I really hope I could emphasize a little bit more, how important it is to speak out and reach out for help you need. Thank you for taking the time to read and thank yourself for taking the actions that are required. If you feel the need to talk to someone – I am here to listen.

Book Your Free Discovery Call With Me
Woman looking happy into the camera - Stefanie Grace

Is There Such Thing As The “Right” Diet?

Stefanie Grace, confused about the right diet

What’s the Right Diet To Follow?

 

Which is the RIGHT nutrition to follow?
What does it really look like? Is there such a thing as the RIGHT diet?

A topic about which I could write a book and will do so one day. But let me start with this post and my own experience. 

For years, especially during my studies, I was clearly of the opinion: YES, absolutely there is the right diet.
A food pyramid exists. For example, here are the 10 rules for a healthy diet from the German Nutrition Society (DGE), according to these rules you should live your life and eat.
However, they still didn’t work for me, FOR YEARS.

For example, I couldn’t do anything with the “5 per day” rule – I often felt too full. The rule says, “Eat fruits and vegetables 5 times a day.” This would mean that we should eat a total of 5 meals a day, three main meals and two snacks in between. I realized that my body didn’t need five meals. Many times I felt best when I ate only two times a day. This always made me wonder, “What is wrong with me?” The answer is: Nothing!!!

My body simply appreciates longer pauses between meals and that leads to the fact that there are no five meals.
I just don’t feel hungry right away in the morning after I get up, it takes me 1-2 or even 3 hours before I feel hungry enough to eat something. It took me some time to understand that these rules and regulations about “correct nutrition” should be considered more as guidelines, because they do not deal with people on an individual level.
However, we are all individuals, we all have different daily structures, energy consumption etc, consequently we cannot all live by the same nutrition rules.

Today I know there is not the “right diet” for everyone, but there is the right diet for everyone personally and that is the one that suits your body best.

Confused about the different diets

And even on an individual level, YOUR right nutrition changes through life. 

Nobody says to an infant: the milk is too rich in fat. No. At this age, this is EXACTLY the right nutrition. 

Your age alone changes the need for the nutrients that you require at that moment. 

Similarly, your right diet changes with the seasons. In winter, your body needs more calories to deal with the lower temperatures. Accordingly, your cravings for calorie rich foods will increase. Whereas in the summer, you may not feel as much like a cheese fondue, cookies, or whatever your winter food is. 

Not to mention age and season, your calorie and nutrient needs change based on your lifestyle. Are you a marathon runner or do you lift weights? Do you have a sedentary job in the office or do you work on a construction site? 

Depending on what health condition you are in, the right diet changes just as much. A diabetic needs a different diet than someone who has cardiovascular, kidney or liver disease. 
So you see, it’s not so easy to find the one perfect diet and say: That’ s it, I’ll stick with it for life. But there is something you can do. 

There is THE right diet and that is the one that suits YOUR body best.

Confused about the different diets, Stefanie Grace holding vegetables

How Do I Find My Right Diet?

So the exercise is first and foremost to find out what that means for you and for that we need to put aside the analytical thinking for a moment, and find our way back into our body to be able to feel more.

We are constantly judging – good food or bad food and this has lead to a point where we feel guilty or ashamed when we eat sweets or fast food. Or we allow ourselves a “cheat day” once a week, where we eat everything we don’t usually allow ourselves (be honest with yourself – do you recognize yourself here?).

Often times with the diet mindset, we have formed a negative body image, and therefore are usually at a point where we no longer feel connected to our body. We find it very difficult to listen to the body’s signals, interpret them, and most importantly, respect and honour them.

After all, according to our analytical thinking, we would know exactly what we should eat, based on various rules. Intuitive Eating, however, is about perceiving the body’s signals and feeling when and what we should eat, so that there are no more questions to the analytical brain, just an instinct – we FEEL it.

In Intuitive Eating there are no rules we can break, we can only learn and get to know ourselves better.I often get asked, “Yes, but if I can eat anything I want, won’t I just eat “unhealthy” foods, like too much sweets for example?”. That’s a valid question, and that was one of my biggest fears as well. The point is, your body doesn’t ONLY ask for sweets, sugar, chocolate or fast food. Your body is asking for crunchy veggies, fresh fruit, and good protein just as much.

Think for a moment about the last time you had the flu or didn’t feel fit in some way: can you remember that maybe deep down you knew exactly that you wanted a warm soup with root vegetables right now. In moments when we are not in our normal state, we often find it easier to eat intuitively. Likewise, there are many mamas who lived vegan before pregnancy and couldn’t stop thinking about meat during pregnancy until they gave in to the craving.

That’s the body asking for a specific nutrient.

The more you experience intuitive eating, the more you notice: that Nutella is actually way too sweet for me, or that instant pizza tastes way too artificial and greasy. I don’t really want or need that at all. 

So the practice is all about listening to your own intuition and trusting it. This requires first and foremost, as is so many cases, being more mindful and getting to know yourself better. .

  • How mindful do I eat?
  • How aware am I of how my food make me feel?
  • What effects do certain foods have on MY body?
  • How much does my body need and when?

Questioning and reflecting yourself is the step you have to make and that a journey towards your beautiful self.

If you are looking for support on this journey, feel free to contact me. 
Thank you for taking your time to read. 

What Is Mindful Eating and Why Is It So Important?

Stefanie Grace is eating mindful

What Is Mindful Eating and Why Is It So Important?

No time to read? Listen here.

Mindful eating is a way to nourish your body consiously by paying attention to all of the senses, to the feelings in your body. Mindful eating is not a diet, it doesn’t count calories, fat, protein or carbonhydrates, it’s not judgemental, there’s no guilt included. The purpose of mindful eating is not to lose weight or gain muscles – the purpose is to become more aware again of what we eat, when we eat, how we eat, the amount we eat. Mindful eating is not only eating slowly and without distraction, it is eating with the right intentsion, giving the body what it deserves, what it needs, and enjoying and appreciating the food we take in and the effects it has on the body. (1,2) 

Stefanie Grace Ligaya is eating while texting and reading

Mindless Eating Habits and the Problems Which Comes Along With It...

We live in a world, where food is always available in abundance  (if we’re lucky). Our society is more and more cultivating a love-hate relationship with food, some are consuming whatever comes in their way, without even thinking about the outcome and the effects in the body and others are dividing the food in good or bad, in a sometimes very judmental way. In both cases, guilt always comes along with it. We take more attention on the latest diet-trends, than on the food and its value itself. We get distraceted by so many things. (2)  

Do you find yourself in one of these situations of eating habits? 

– TV and mobile phone: I prepare myself something to eat, take my time and sit down still thinking: “I’m very mindful today”. I take the first bite and during I’m chewing, I grab my phone and check my insta feed or answer some whatsapp messages, because they are so improtant, that they cannot wait till later. Another classic situation: Pizza and a movie – no more words needed.

– Reading a book, newspaper, or magazin: I enjoy my breakfast in the morning, with a nice cup of coffee and the newspaper – getting all emotional because of the latest covid-19 regulation news. 

– Talking: We have friends over for dinner, very interesting conversations, a lot of laughers, somtimes even emotional conversations. I have a coffee date with my friend, we are enjoying coffee, tea and cookies – and without even noticing one cookie has become four, plus a cake. 

– Snacking, eating in standing or while walking: I walk through the kitchen, not even hungry, but oh, there’s an apple, I could eat an apple?! While eating the apple I walk through the house. Another classic: the curious look into the fridge, deep in the inside I now, that the fridge will look the same like two hours ago, but who knows, maybe there is something more interesting now?

– Eating stressed: I wake up in the morning, super motivated for my morning run – I get home and realize, there is only little time left before I have to leave the house. So now breakfast has to be a quick bite, or even a breakfast to go. 

 

The outcome of mindless eating habits are showing their effects: 
For some people these eating habits doesn’t look so bad – what’s wrong with reading a book while eating? Or having conversations? 
Well, the most common outcome of all of this mindless eating habits is overeating. We miss the point, where the hunger (if there even has been hunger) is stilled. We don’t listen to the body and it’s signs that we had enough. The focus is somewhere else and suddenly we don’t even realize how much we ate. The outcome of overeating is obviously overweight up to obesety.
When it comes to stressful eating situations, we start to chew really fast and little – no wonder that so many people complain about digestive problems, like feeling bloaded.

But one major effect, which a lot of us don’t even recognize: we cultivate emotional eating by getting emotional of the conversations we are having, by the news we are reading, by bringing stress and feelings on the table. This is why it is so important to be more mindful about our eating habits, to be more in the moment, to be more focused on the actual act of nourishing the body. 

Whenever you are wandering around in the kitchen “surching for something” ask yourself first: how are you feeling, what are you really searching for? Is there a deeper feeling behind it? Dig into it.
Whenever you catch yourself having dinner, while watching the news about all the bad things happening in the world – check how you are changeing your eating behaviour regarding to the emotions (some of us lose the apetite, others might start binging chocolate). 

If we like to eat mindful, the process of eating, of nourishing the body, needs to get our full attention, all of our focus – like in meditation. As long as there is something else around, we will never be able to provide this full attention. Who ever did a Vipassana or any other silent retreat already, problably knows the beauty of eating mindful. I remember the first meal in my first silent retreat. I first thought – this is so weird, we are all sitting so close to each other, but its so silent. But by time I experienced the beauty of it, the beauty of giving my food and my body the attention and the appreciation it needs. I’m not saying we should always be alone while eating. I also do appreciate the company and the social part of enjoying a meal together, but I invite you to give it a try  – maybe take 2 meals out of 3, where you practice mindful eating. 

Ligaya Tipps for practicing mindful eating.

Easy Ways To Practice Mindful Eating

Here are some easy tips and tricks to cultivate mindful eating in life.

1. Ask yoursefl before: Am I hungry right now? Why do I want to eat now? 
2. Do I have time to eat? I sit down and I take the time. 
3. I focus on my food and I put away the phone, the laptop, the book and I turn off the TV.
4. I prepare one beautiful plate, I look at my food and I see all the beautiful colours.
5. I smell my food and I notice all the different smells.
6. I chew and I notice all the different tastes of the food in my mouth.
7. I put down the forc or the spoon when my mouth is full and I only take it up again, when my mouth is empty.
8. I eat until I’m full and statisfied.
9. I notice the effects of the food in my body. I notice the feeling, the emotions in my body. 
10. I am grateful for my food, I honor and appreciate my food. 

Eat with all of your senses and in consciousness – Enjoy your meal.

(1): Minduful Eating: The Art Of Presence While You Eat, Joseph B. Nelson,  Diabetes Spectr. 2017 Aug; 30(3): 171–174.
(2): https://amihungry.com/how-can-mindful-eating-help-me, 24.02.2021